Why you don’t let a programmer name your child

Black and white photo of an unhappy baby looking over a woman's shoulder at the camera

Appellation: the word by which a thing is called and known.

I thought of writing about something more serious this week. Like the significant security flaws in the City of Joburg’s online system. If you live in Joburg and pay your accounts online, your personal information is at risk. Another worry at a time when we are all tired and stressed and already too serious. So, no pearls of wisdom this week.

What's in a name?

This phrase comes from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet".

Programs, like other things, need to have names. I remember a project where I had to keep referring to "the system to onboard contractors". It really needed a name.

Unlike Juliet, marketing experts tell us that the name of a product is important. It sets expectations. It should be distinctive, authentic, memorable. It should give some idea of what the product is.

Obviously marketing experts and programming teams never meet.

The good, the bad and the ugly

Program names range from clever to good to boring to plain ugly.

Here are a few names that I think are clever:

  • SpamAssassin - The name says it all, doesn't it?
  • CockroachDB - The motto for this database system says "Survive anything. Thrive everywhere." Just like a cockroach.
  • John the Ripper - A clever name for a password cracker (aka a password recovery tool).

I can't decide if these names are good or bad:

  • BURP - This is an acronym for BackUp And Restore Program. It sort of makes sense (you know, food coming back up ...), but yech! Do you want to tell people you work at BURP?
  • Bloodshed Dev - A great name for a game, but this is a C++ compiler. Maybe it's a good name, if that is your experience of C++.

And then there are names that are just awful:

  • GIMP - The acronym for the GNU Image Manipulation Program. Unfortunately, the dictionary defines "gimp" as a derogatory term for someone who is either disabled or incompetent, or a male sex slave.
  • Crush or Flush - No, it's not a bathroom accessory. It's a mobile dating platform.
  • Eefoof - This is a media-sharing site, not a discrete attempt to curse.
  • Gubb - What, you couldn't guess? This is a made-up word for an app that helps to organize your lists.
  • Ophcrack - Another password cracker. I have no idea what the developer was thinking.

Recursion - because you can

Recursion in programming is when a function calls itself. It's an important concept, but often difficult to grasp. Which might be why programmers like recursive acronyms i.e. an acronym that refers to itself.

You might have come across these before:

  • PIP - PIP Installs Packages (you guessed it: PIP is a package manager).
  • GNU - GNU’s Not Unix.
  • YAML — YAML Ain't Markup Language (it used to be "Yet Another Markup Language").

You will find good, bad and ugly names for every kind of product. But it is only in the programming world that we get names like this:

TWAIN - Technology Without An Interesting Name. (That's what you get when you have a contest to find a better meaning for your name.)

I am always thrilled by any response to my posts, so please share some names that you think are great or awful.

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