Ever heard the phrase: “If you can’t beat them with brains, baffle them with blather”? (The word blather is usually replaced with a word I am not allowed to use in email.) Now there are tools to help you do just that!
LinkedIn lingo 101
Renier shared a link with me this week for a translation program. Unlike Google Translate, this has the option to translate to LinkedIn Speak.
I don’t know how good Kagi is at other languages, but it does great work in this area. It even adds in suitable emojis and hashtags.
And LinkedIn Speak is just another form of Boardroom Babble. Drop the emojis and hashtags, and you are ready for the next management meeting!
Then I discovered that Co-pilot also does a great line in LinkedIn Speak. Even better, it can translate into a range of nonsense languages.
Blather for bad project days
People are already complaining about project deadlines. So here are some not-so-useful ways to explain common project problems.
Depending on your work conditions, you can either use Boardroom Babble (BB), or TikTok Talk (TT). Either option should baffle the listener with incomprehensible blather. (I had to ask Copilot to explain the TT phrases.)
We will not make the deadline
- BB: “Based on current trajectory insights, the established timeline is no longer attainable and will require strategic realignment.”
- TT: “Lowkey, this deadline is speedrunning its own failure arc. We’re not cooking.”
The project will go over budget
- BB: “Revised projections indicate that the initiative is trending beyond the initial financial envelope. This will necessitate recalibrated fiscal alignment.”
- TT: “This budget went full NPC and dipped. Highkey giving ‘wallet in shambles’ energy.”
We don’t have enough people
- BB: “Our current human‑capital allocation is not fully calibrated to the initiative’s operational magnitude. Expanded capacity will be essential to sustain forward momentum.”
- TT: “Be so fr, this team is in its skeleton‑crew era. Zero bodies, zero bandwidth, highkey giving ‘we’re cooked’ energy.”
The decision makers are taking too long.
- BB: “Executive throughput remains constrained due to extended deliberation cycles.”
- TT: “The decision makers are in their slow‑burn era. They’ve soft‑ghosted the whole project.”
Bonus babble
Here are a few more translations that may be useful:
You don’t understand the problem
- BB: “There appears to be a strategic disconnect in our interpretation of the underlying challenge, and we may need to re‑establish a unified problem statement at the leadership level.”
- TT: “Be so fr, you’re not getting the assignment at all. This ain’t clicking.”
I don’t know how long it will take to find the bug.
- BB: “The resolution timeline remains indeterminate as we continue to navigate the diagnostic landscape and evaluate root‑cause complexities.”
- TT: “Idk how long this bug hunt is gonna take — it’s giving mystery‑quest energy.”
AI can’t solve everything
- BB: “While AI remains a critical enabler in our transformation agenda, certain high‑judgment scenarios still require executive‑level discernment and human‑centric decisioning.”
- TT: “Y’all need to chill — AI is powerful but it’s not a wizard. Some problems stay un‑slayed.”
When not to use it
Use these translations wisely. Here’s an example of a LinkedIn post:
“
Thrilled to announce that I’m looking to level up my skill set by attending an Incus Data course! 
Continuous learning is key to staying ahead in this fast-paced industry. Can’t wait to dive deep into these insights and bring even more value to my network! 
#ProfessionalDevelopment #LifelongLearning #IncusData #GrowthMindset”
In this case, I’d rather you skip the lingo. Just tell your manager: “I want to attend an Incus Data course.”
I’d love to hear your thoughts on these translations. Please share your thoughts.